You know the guy. The traveler with stories upon stories of their fantastic adventures overseas, always willing to share a tale of how vast their travels have been. The one who one-ups your last vacation story at every opportunity with his own version…You know, that guy.
It’s hard not to feel less-than when hearing about how much more others have seen and done during their travels. Perhaps you haven’t had the time, the means, or the desire to travel so extensively. You may find yourself in situations where others brag about travel. How should you handle these circumstances?
First, you need to understand the psychology behind why people brag. Then, we can apply that to travel bragging and find ways to help deal with those situations.
The Psychology of Bragging
Let’s be honest, we’ve all had times that we were the one doing the bragging. Sometimes it’s hard to avoid when you have that overwhelming sense of pride or accomplishment. People have been boasting to each other since the earliest times. If you’re interested, a lighthearted take on this is the cleverly titled “Brag! The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn Without Blowing it!” by Peggy Klaus.
Oftentimes, people brag because they want to win the favor of others. There’s tons of research that clearly and consistently shows the tendency for people to want to be thought of in a positive light by others. People hope that others have a favorable opinion of them, and self-promoting methods such as bragging are utilized to accomplish that goal.
There’s a fine line between demonstrating your positive attributes and bragging. If demonstrating your positive attributes is seen as a “helpful” way to build others’ opinion of you, consider that bragging may tip the scales into tearing down others’ opinion of you.
Put more simply, bragging seems to make people feel more negatively about you rather than positively about you.
In an extreme form, there are elements of chronic boasting found in certain psychiatric conditions such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Individuals with this disorder may have difficulty with low self-esteem, such that they feel a constant need to secure approval from others by telling about all their accomplishments and personal qualities. So, rather than being overly confident and letting everybody know about it, they may be attempting to build themselves up by a substantial desire for acceptance.
Unfortunately, bragging can be demeaning to others. It may lead to others feeling less-than, unworthy, or unaccomplished.
Another important note about bragging is that usually it is not overtly intentional. There are certainly exceptions to this notion, but many times a person might later be told that they came across to others as being braggadocios and they would be genuinely surprised to hear that.
Travel Stories
There are plenty of reasons why people share their travel stories. Most of them are helpful, appropriate, useful, interesting pieces of information. It helps us connect with each other, sharing similarities or personal lessons gleaned from travel experiences.
There’s an entertainment factor involved as well, with adventure and humor often wrapped together. However, when taken too far, travel stories can enter the realm of bragging.
When you add social media to the mix, travel bragging can reach combustible levels. Travel snobs aren’t content with Instagram travel selfies, they tend to produce a waterfall of top-shelf images for the purpose of garnering positive feedback (rather than the simple joy of sharing with friends).
So what differentiates a chronic travel bragger from the rest of us? It’s more about the frequency, timing, and intensity of the bragging. Chronic travel braggers tend to brag more frequently, at more inappropriate or inopportune times, and with greater gusto.
Instead of an occasional travel-related boast, it feels constant to others. They may have a hard time hearing about a unique travel experience from someone else, as they’re itching to jump in with a similar or superior story of their own.
Do you know any chronic travel braggers? Are you a super travel boaster?
How to Deal With Travel Braggers
As we’ve all had times in which we step over the line between helpful sharing and overt bragging about travels, perhaps we can embrace a sense of empathy. Importantly, braggers are often unaware and not overtly intentional in trying to offend anyone.
Remember, one of the main factors that typically drive bragging behavior is the desire to be viewed favorably by others. So, when you hear someone doing some good ol’ fashioned travel bragging, first take a breath and consider that they may genuinely trying to win your favor.
Take it as a compliment that they care enough to try to impress you.
This may sound unusual, but another tip is to actually enjoy their braggadocios story rather than wasting your time being offended by their arrogance.
If the problem persists, you can also potentially discuss with them, preferably gently, how you feel. Sometimes a gentle nudge is all it takes to alert someone to their behaviors. Usually works best to do this in private rather than in front of a group.
Don’t try to outduel them with travel stories.
If they just can’t help themselves, you can help set a framework for the timing of their travel bragging. You do this by asking them travel-related questions at times that are better for you.
For example, after you’ve told a travel story, you can ask them an unrelated travel question. “…so that’s what happened on my last vacation. (Insert boastful person’s name here), have you heard about the latest blog from Psychology of Travel?”
This approach allows them to feel included and useful (thus, fulfilling their desire to have a favorable opinion from others), while not stepping on the cool travel story you just shared.
What are your thoughts on travel bragging? How do you handle travel brags? Comment below!
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Happy Travels,
Dr. L
Founder, PsychologyOfTravel.com
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